22 Jul 2014

One Of My Biggest Fears...

Hello lovebugs!

Hope you're enjoying my little corner of the internet this week! I feel as if I haven't posted some form of a lifestyle post since "My University Experience"... and, well, I'm sitting here in bed on my own... at 9 o clock... on a Saturday night (yes I'm writing this post in advance.. I really can't be tamed) and there's no time like the present!

I'm not sure if you can really even call this a lifestyle post - maybe it's a little more of a stream of consciousness kinda thang (yes, I learned that phrase in College - big words. Haha). I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. I know that sounds super deep and very cliché, but with me finishing College this year I've been trying to figure out what's next? Hence, all the thinking. Haha.

Do I want to look for an internship? Do I want to apply for a few part-time jobs in retail? Do I want to go back to College and further my education? ... Or do I want to be the next American Idol - Haha. I joke, I joke. But to be honest, I can't say for sure right now what I want to do and I don't even know if that's normal. Sure, I'm doing a few extra courses in my spare time that are really helping me to decide, but does it usually take people awhile after they leave College to figure out what direction to take? ... Anyhoos, all of this 'thinking' I keep yappin' on about made me super aware of one thing that scares me more than any boat (yes I'm afraid of boats - ferries that is), snake or height could.

One of my biggest fears is disappointing other people. Not myself... others.

Saying that actually sounds ridiculous! I'm not a weirdo, I promise - Haha - but I swear that this is one fear that has stuck with me for so long. When I was studying for my Leaving Cert (my final exams before Uni) I was afraid of not getting A's & B's... not because I wouldn't get into my course in College, but because I was afraid of disappointing my teachers or my parents. I was afraid of not meeting their expectations, when realistically they all just wanted me to do my best! I worked myself up into such a massive frenzy that I was having breakdowns... a lot, more than I'd care to admit! What is that? I actually feel like a complete tool writing that! Haha. It happens with little things too - blogging included. When I haven't blogged as much as I'd like to in a week, it really bugs me because I feel like I'm letting down anybody who reads my little baby! :P

So it's all come and hit me right in the smush again this week... I'm starting to worry about what my next step is and although I'm not freaking out as much as I would have when it came to exams over the past couple of years, there's still a little somethin' somethin' in the back of my mind worried that I won't do what people expect me to do, or that they'll be disappointed... or they'll have something negative to say about my choices.

And that's about all the depth that I can handle for tonight! Haha. Clearly chilling in my room does nothing but make me think! :P I don't actually know if this is going to make sense to anyone but here's hoping it does! I can't be the only one with that fear! Haha.

Hopefully you didn't mind me straying from my usual posts and that this little ramble didn't bore you too much!

If you've got any fears you feel like sharing pop them on down in the comments below so we can chit-chat!

XO, G.

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